words and stuff

today i was told i have to spend time with my aunt because she seems to be kind of depressed so on Monday i get to stay home from work but i have to spend the day with her and keep her mind busy and well keep her happy. im ok with this i like making people happy its one of the few things i feel im good at. but what about when im sad? there is barely anyone there for me when i need a distraction. i tell my mom and she just tells me to suck it up and i do i mean it all i can do i might just cry it out and suck it up. i like that i can make people happy but who is going to make me happy? i am a vary positive person but even the brightest days sometimes have there dark hour. once when i was a kid i was told “if you’re sad then who is going to make all these people happy? well who will make me happy? who is going to plan a whole day to spend with me when i’m depressed? who is going to call me just to make me smile? who is going to drop everything they might have to do take a 30 minute bus ride just to bring you  your favorite snack because they know it makes you happy?  i don’t ask for much. just a call or a hug. or just someone to talk too. all i get is a “get over it”. people have come crying to me and all i want to do is help them hold them make them feel better offer advise. why cant i get that too? a few weeks ago i was feeling really just sad and hurt and well yeah they noticed i wasn’t my bubbly self but all they said was “you sound different” or “you seem not like yourself” but that was it. if i tried to talk to them they wouldn’t listen. maybe the reason i was sad was dumb to them but to me it was something that was really bothering me. of course i took it all out on my other blog that i got rid of because i just wasn’t feeling what that blog was about anymore. it was about sharing your feelings for the one you love making them feel special and all the things you might feel when you have found that special someone.  i don’t know i don’t like feeling like im being selfish i just i think it would be nice to not just have to get over something and keep it held in till it will eventually just explodes.

• ♂ = i am a boy who has a crush on you
• ♀ = i am a girl who has a crush on you
• ✂ = just delete your tumblr already
• ✌ = you’re awesome
• ♡ = i love your blog
• ❁ = you’re beautiful
• ✓ = i hate you
• ☹ = you’re ugly
• ☀ = i want to fuck you
• ♬ = i wish we were close
• ♧ = i wish we were friends in real life
• ☆ = i relate to a lot of the same things you go through
• ☮ = you inspire me